5 Steps to Release Dating Insecurities for Good

by | Nov 6, 2019

In today’s post, I’m sharing the first 5 steps to overcome dating insecurities and confidently attract the right relationship. This is effective for those who are nervous to jump back into the dating game after a break, or wanting to feel more at ease with their current dating experience. To make online dating work, becoming more secure is essential.

When it’s more than first date jitters…

I was getting out of my car to meet the first guy I’d connected with online. I was so nervous, I thought I might puke. What if he doesn’t look like his pictures? What if we don’t have anything to talk about? What if I actually really like him?

The thoughts swirled around my head as I took a deep breath and decided to go for it. While it wasn’t a match, I was proud of myself for pushing past the first date butterflies.

These kinds of fears before a first date are to be expected. After all, there’s a lot to navigate. But when you continually feel insecure or second guess yourself as things progress with someone, there may be more to uncover in order to attract a thriving relationship. Keep reading to learn the first 5 steps to shift from insecure to irresistible.

How to overcome dating insecurities 

Here are five tried and true steps to being more secure that have worked for dozens of my clients.

Step 1 – Identify the deeper patterns 

Have people been coming on strong, then ghosting you? Or maybe you feel everyone just wants a hookup, and there’s no quality matches left. 

For years, I pointed the finger at men I dated, blaming them for why things didn’t work. Then I realized I was the common denominator and decided to take an honest look at my part of the equation. It took courage to get real with myself, but I knew I was the only one I could change.

I discovered I felt anxious when I’d text a guy and he wouldn’t respond right away. I’d feel hurt when he’d be active on social media, but not be in touch with me. I’d overthink what to say, and question my every move.

Through the process I’m sharing today, I was able to unravel these patterns and transform my love life. When you examine your side of the dating dynamic, do you see any areas where insecurity is getting in the way of you having success in love?

authenticity in dating

Step 2 – Ask yourself: Am I hiding my most attractive qualities?

Confidence is arguably the most attractive quality. How do you gain confidence? Trust your authentic self is more than enough for the right person. This isn’t an overnight switch, but you can take steps today to feel more comfortable letting the real you shine. 

A key piece of authenticity is vulnerability. Most of my clients cringe at the word vulnerability when we first start working together, because they see it as a weakness. In reality, willingness to be honest and real in dating is essential for a healthy relationship. As I learned, you must be the person you wish to attract.

To start, practice being vulnerability in your non-romantic relationships. Try sharing openly with a good friend or family member and notice how your confidence improves from being seen as your true self. Then, take these skills into the dating arena. 

Step 3- Make sure you’re not mistakenly focusing on this (most people do)

Dating is a filtering process where you assess chemistry and compatibility. Where I see most people get off track is overly focusing on if they’re being chosen by the other person, because of a deep fear of rejection. This type of insecurity is common in dating. 

dating insecurities

Don’t forget you’re also feeling out if you truly want to choose them. How would you date differently if you trusted there are an abundance of high quality matches for you?

Step 4- Know the difference between having needs and being needy

Speaking as a recovered anxious dater, I used to confuse my needs with feeling needy. Know your needs and communicate them early to assess if someone is willing to meet you in the way you’re seeking. 

The caveat here is to express your needs in a way that isn’t demanding or blaming. Neediness energy repels, so if you find yourself pressuring the dynamic, it may be time to act on the last step below.

Step 5 – Shift your Attraction Blueprint™ 

By now, you may realize the insecurity you feel in dating is a bigger pattern. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to stay this way. Your Attraction Blueprint is made up of default beliefs, patterns, and habits that influence how you date.

With the right support, you can shift your Attraction Blueprint to that of security and confidence – the very things that make you irresistible to your perfect partner. If you’d like to learn more, grab my free gift below.

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Dating Coach , Madeline Charles Coaching
Once Madeline Charles cracked the code on attracting the right relationship, she knew she had to share her wisdom with the world. Blending her professional experience as a licensed psychotherapist with intuition, Madeline shares equal parts practical and spiritual guidance, to support women in receiving a secure, healthy partnership. Most known for helping women uncover their Attraction Blueprint(™), Madeline supports single women release the anxiety associated with finding love. When not coaching, Madeline can be found in the mountains of Colorado, living a vibrant, love-filled life with her partner Shaun. Discover how to go from insecure to irresistible in love with Madeline’s top 3 tools. Grab your free guide at www.madelinecharlescoaching.com/free-gift/
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ONCE I CRACKED THE CODE ON ATTRACTING THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP (AFTER YEARS OF HEARTACHE AND CONFUSION), I KNEW I HAD TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. My super power is to identify and heal the real reason you’ve yet to attract your match, so that you can take aligned action towards your relationship goals. Blending my professional experience as a psychotherapist with intuitive guidance, I share equal parts practical and spiritual, to support you in receiving an amazing partnership.
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Dating Coach , Madeline Charles Coaching
Once Madeline Charles cracked the code on attracting the right relationship, she knew she had to share her wisdom with the world. Blending her professional experience as a licensed psychotherapist with intuition, Madeline shares equal parts practical and spiritual guidance, to support women in receiving a secure, healthy partnership. Most known for helping women uncover their Attraction Blueprint(™), Madeline supports single women release the anxiety associated with finding love. When not coaching, Madeline can be found in the mountains of Colorado, living a vibrant, love-filled life with her partner Shaun. Discover how to go from insecure to irresistible in love with Madeline’s top 3 tools. Grab your free guide at www.madelinecharlescoaching.com/free-gift/
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