I Found Love Online – Uncover The Surprising Approach That Works

I Found Love Online – Uncover The Surprising Approach That Works

I Found Love Online – Uncover The Surprising Approach That Works

What if I told you there’s a hack for online dating success?

No, it’s not all about crafting the perfect profile, or having witty one-liners ready to message at a moment’s notice. This dating hack, specifically designed for women, breaks the rules and goes against most popular dating advice. But it creates real results.

The story of how I met my partner Shaun on Meet Mindful, which I will share later in this post, is proof.

Shaun and I share a love of music. Here we are at a Phish concert in Colorado. 

 

Are you following old dating rules?

While nice pictures and a well written bio are helpful (for tips on a great profile, head here), they’re only part of the equation for finding your person online. And if you’ve spent any amount of time swiping, you know there’s a lot of opportunity for connection. Don’t let someone great pass by because you’re trying to online date the way you think you “should”.

When women first start working with me for love coaching, they often share dating rules they’ve been trying to follow (with little success). Rules like waiting for the man to initiate contact on an app, waiting for him to ask you out, or waiting for the same amount of time to respond to a message (for instance, if it took three hours for him to text you, you wait three hours to respond).

Nervous young woman using smart phone

Do you notice a theme here?

Somewhere along the way, most women seem to have picked up the message that they get the guy by always waiting for him to make the move, hoping he reads your mind, and wishing for things to be different without actually making it known.

Some rules are meant to be broken

When I was single, I spent many years stuck in waiting energy, and was often frustrated. I felt the conflict of wanting to do one thing in dating, but trying to follow the “right” approach instead.

After much work on my boundaries, communication, and confidence, I gave myself permission to release the dating rules that didn’t feel like me, and create my own rules instead. I also had come to a place in my love life where I was genuinely excited to connect with people on apps, regardless of outcome. Letting go of the pressure for every match to be “the one” allowed me to see the gift in each person, even if it didn’t lead to a relationship.

How to hack your success

Forget everything you know and apply these new online dating rules instead. They’re guaranteed to shift the dynamic between you and your date.

break online dating rules

1. Don’t be afraid to ask him out first

When I matched with my partner Shaun online, I asked him out first. I’d never done this before, but I was headed to an event that I thought he’d enjoy as well. He declined, already busy with other plans. I chose to still go out that night by myself and appreciated my own company because I was unattached to Shaun saying yes to me.

2. Don’t hold back

We had our first date a few days later, and the sparks immediately flew. So much so, that Shaun asked me out for the following night. Maybe I should have declined so as to not look “too available” (another dating rule that I think should be thrown out), but I was hooked on how good it felt to listen to my own intuition in dating, so I said “yes”. Following my inner compass has been the foundation for a successful relationship, and I believe it’s the cornerstone for you as well.

3. Be authentic (your person wants to see the real you)

Many online dating users make the mistake of creating a persona that’s based on what they think will make them the most attractive to others, including the way they communicate. The truth is that soul-level connections aren’t built from wearing masks. The right person wants to know the real you, and you can start by asking yourself what feels most true to you when using apps. Want to message him first? Ask him out? Find out what he’s looking for? Go there!

Out with the old, in with the new

Take today’s blog as an invitation to ditch the rigid rules of online dating and hack your success by being more self-expressed. Implement these changes and you’ll start to notice a difference immediately. And remember, your authentic self is your most attractive quality.

5 Steps to Release Dating Insecurities for Good

5 Steps to Release Dating Insecurities for Good

5 Steps to Release Dating Insecurities for Good

In today’s post, I’m sharing the first 5 steps to overcome dating insecurities and confidently attract the right relationship. This is effective for those who are nervous to jump back into the dating game after a break, or wanting to feel more at ease with their current dating experience. To make online dating work, becoming more secure is essential.

When it’s more than first date jitters…

I was getting out of my car to meet the first guy I’d connected with online. I was so nervous, I thought I might puke. What if he doesn’t look like his pictures? What if we don’t have anything to talk about? What if I actually really like him?

The thoughts swirled around my head as I took a deep breath and decided to go for it. While it wasn’t a match, I was proud of myself for pushing past the first date butterflies.

These kinds of fears before a first date are to be expected. After all, there’s a lot to navigate. But when you continually feel insecure or second guess yourself as things progress with someone, there may be more to uncover in order to attract a thriving relationship. Keep reading to learn the first 5 steps to shift from insecure to irresistible.

How to overcome dating insecurities 

Here are five tried and true steps to being more secure that have worked for dozens of my clients.

Step 1 – Identify the deeper patterns 

Have people been coming on strong, then ghosting you? Or maybe you feel everyone just wants a hookup, and there’s no quality matches left. 

For years, I pointed the finger at men I dated, blaming them for why things didn’t work. Then I realized I was the common denominator and decided to take an honest look at my part of the equation. It took courage to get real with myself, but I knew I was the only one I could change.

I discovered I felt anxious when I’d text a guy and he wouldn’t respond right away. I’d feel hurt when he’d be active on social media, but not be in touch with me. I’d overthink what to say, and question my every move.

Through the process I’m sharing today, I was able to unravel these patterns and transform my love life. When you examine your side of the dating dynamic, do you see any areas where insecurity is getting in the way of you having success in love?

authenticity in dating

Step 2 – Ask yourself: Am I hiding my most attractive qualities?

Confidence is arguably the most attractive quality. How do you gain confidence? Trust your authentic self is more than enough for the right person. This isn’t an overnight switch, but you can take steps today to feel more comfortable letting the real you shine. 

A key piece of authenticity is vulnerability. Most of my clients cringe at the word vulnerability when we first start working together, because they see it as a weakness. In reality, willingness to be honest and real in dating is essential for a healthy relationship. As I learned, you must be the person you wish to attract.

To start, practice being vulnerability in your non-romantic relationships. Try sharing openly with a good friend or family member and notice how your confidence improves from being seen as your true self. Then, take these skills into the dating arena. 

Step 3- Make sure you’re not mistakenly focusing on this (most people do)

Dating is a filtering process where you assess chemistry and compatibility. Where I see most people get off track is overly focusing on if they’re being chosen by the other person, because of a deep fear of rejection. This type of insecurity is common in dating. 

dating insecurities

Don’t forget you’re also feeling out if you truly want to choose them. How would you date differently if you trusted there are an abundance of high quality matches for you?

Step 4- Know the difference between having needs and being needy

Speaking as a recovered anxious dater, I used to confuse my needs with feeling needy. Know your needs and communicate them early to assess if someone is willing to meet you in the way you’re seeking. 

The caveat here is to express your needs in a way that isn’t demanding or blaming. Neediness energy repels, so if you find yourself pressuring the dynamic, it may be time to act on the last step below.

Step 5 – Shift your Attraction Blueprint™ 

By now, you may realize the insecurity you feel in dating is a bigger pattern. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to stay this way. Your Attraction Blueprint is made up of default beliefs, patterns, and habits that influence how you date.

With the right support, you can shift your Attraction Blueprint to that of security and confidence – the very things that make you irresistible to your perfect partner. If you’d like to learn more, grab my free gift below.

7 Simple but Powerful Ways to Make Online Dating Work (expert advice)

7 Simple but Powerful Ways to Make Online Dating Work (expert advice)

7 Simple but Powerful Ways to Make Online Dating Work (expert advice)

You CAN make online dating work for you

In this post I’m going to show you exactly how to make online dating work for you. I’ll give you seven simple but powerful strategies and tactics that can transform your online dating experience from a chore to something you truly enjoy (and that gets you the results you want). This tried and true approach has helped dozens of my clients be successful in online dating, and it helped me meet the love of my life.

Let’s dive right in.

We’ve all heard the horror stories

Maybe you have a few of your own? Those times you felt courageous enough to try online dating, and it turned out to be a total flop. Maybe the promising profile you matched with ghosted you after exchanging a few messages. You met up with someone, only to find they looked nothing like their pictures. Life got busy and endless swiping isn’t at the top of your list.

For all the failed attempts to make online dating work, you’ve also likely heard the success stories. Those couples who met online and are now starting a family, traveling together, and doing the things you’d love to be doing with someone special. I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing this firsthand on many occasions.

How to succeed in online dating

Online dating is an incredible technology that allows us to connect with potential matches easier than ever. It’s worked for millions of couples and it can work for you too. 

Unfortunately, most people get discouraged and give up before they see results, especially if they’re following old online dating rules. Here are seven things you can do to make online dating work better:

1. Have a relaxed mindset

Are you viewing online dating as a chore, or something draining your energy? The way you feel prior to logging into a dating app impacts your association to it. Do a quick self-care routine before you swipe and notice the difference. When you feel grounded, relaxed, and calm, you’re more likely to enjoy the process and have better results.

2. Work through your dating insecurities 

We all have insecurities around dating and if you think you don’t, you’re most likely just out of touch with them. Be sure to also work through any dating insecurities you may have. If you don’t, they’ll undermine your efforts. 

online dating

3. Align your dating profile to what you’re looking for

This might sound obvious, but most people don’t do it and it’s low-hanging fruit for making online dating work.

An effective online dating profile does several things. It repels people who aren’t compatible with your life vision and values while magnetizing those who resonate with your vibe. The key here is to own what you bring to the table and make it known up front.

For instance, if you’re wanting to start a family in the next couple years, have strong spiritual or religious beliefs, or any other non-negotiables, save yourself time and heartache by sharing this in the body of your profile.

Choose pictures for your profile that show you in a variety of settings. This is your chance to give someone a glimpse into what life could look like together.

4. Make it easy to connect

We all have shorter attention spans these days, so make it super easy for someone to message you online. If you write out your entire life story in a dating profile, it leaves little to be shared on a first date. Instead, try sharing a few key points about you, then wrap up with a question or invitation to reach out.

For example, if you like hiking and really want to meet someone who shares a love for the outdoors, you could end your profile with, “I’m always looking for great new trails to check out around town. If you have any recommendations, feel free to message me and share.” Or, “I’m planning a trip to Italy this spring. If you’ve got any must-see recommendations, I’d love to hear!”

What you’re doing is allowing others to self-identify as having similar interests and values, and giving them a simple way to break the ice.

5. Avoid excessive texting

One of the biggest complaints I hear as a dating coach is the pattern of spending too much time in dead-end messaging conversations that don’t evolve into a real date. After you’ve exchanged a few messages online and have a sense that you’re interested in someone, feel free to hold boundaries with your time and energy. Take steps to move things forward–or move on.

6. Suggest a short phone call or video chat

If you’d rather not text back and forth wondering where things are going, you can warmly suggest that you move to a short phone or video chat call. In fact, I encourage my clients to set this up as a pre-date screening measure. This gives you a chance to feel out the dynamic and decide if you’d like to move forward with an in-person date.

7. To save time and energy, call your dates a “meet and greet”

Let’s face it, spending hours on a date with someone you sense isn’t a great fit is a surefire way to get burned out on dating. But it doesn’t have to be that way. When meeting someone off a dating app, a great first step is to arrange a ‘meet and greet’. It’s a less pressured way to connect in person for a shorter period (think coffee or cocktail, versus sit down dinner).

Online dating really can work

With a few simple shifts, online dating can not only be enjoyable, but effective in finding your perfect match. Find a way to make it work for you and the winds will be at your back. 

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